It does not always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like checking your phone again to see if someone liked what you posted. Sometimes it looks like needing your partner to say the right thing before you can relax. Sometimes it looks like waiting for your boss, your family, your bank account, or the world around you to confirm that you are okay.

And in that moment, something changes.

What was alive becomes tense. What was playful becomes serious. What was spontaneous becomes strategic. You stop moving from your own center and begin to move around the possibility of receiving something from outside: approval, affection, recognition, security, status, money, validation.

This is the transition from play to duty.

When you do not need something, you can relate to it freely. You can enjoy it. You can be creative with it. You can play. But the moment you need it in order to feel okay, the relationship changes. Fear enters. Tension enters. Dependency enters.

You no longer meet the world from freedom. You meet it from hunger.

And this is where borrowed value begins.

The Moment Neediness Replaces Freedom

Think about a child playing.

A child does not usually ask whether the game is productive enough, whether the toy is giving enough status, whether the drawing will receive enough approval, or whether the experience is useful according to adult standards. A child enters life with a simple movement: let’s play.

Then the adult world appears.

Do not play with that. It is serious.

Do not touch the plate. You will break it.

Do not dream too much. Life is hard.

Do not be childish. You will understand when you grow up.

Slowly, a new relationship with life is installed. Money is serious. Work is serious. Food is serious. Relationships are serious. Status is serious. The future is serious. The body is serious. Everything becomes something to protect, manage, prove, secure, and defend.

Of course, there is a mature and necessary part of responsibility. We need to care for things. We need to work. We need money. We need relationships. We need to participate in life. The problem is not that these things exist.

The problem begins when our sense of value depends on them.

When money is no longer something we use, but something that decides whether we can respect ourselves.

When love is no longer something we share, but something we need to receive in the exact form that makes us feel real.

When work is no longer an expression of our energy, but a stage where we beg to be recognized.

When family approval is no longer a beautiful blessing, but a hidden authority that determines whether we can trust our own path.

This is the moment freedom begins to shrink.

Not because love, money, family, recognition, or success are bad. They are not bad. It is beautiful when your partner tells you, “I love you.” It is beautiful when your family supports you. It is beautiful when your work is appreciated. It is beautiful when money flows and allows you to move, create, and take care of life.

The question is different:

What happens when you need it?

What happens when you cannot feel solid without it?

What happens when the absence of that external confirmation makes you lose your strength, your confidence, your vitality, your center?

That is where the real work begins.

What Borrowed Value Really Is

Borrowed value is value that comes from outside under conditions.

It is the sense of worth you receive when someone approves of you, when the system recognizes you, when your partner gives you affection, when your family validates your choices, when your post receives attention, when your bank account looks the way you think it should look, when your identity is reflected back to you in a flattering way.

It is not fake. This is important.

When someone gives you love, you feel it. When someone praises your work, you feel it. When your boss recognizes you in front of others, you feel energy. When your partner smiles at you with warmth, something in your body opens. When your family says, “We are proud of you,” you may feel a wave of relief.

This energy is real.

The issue is not that external value is false. The issue is that it is conditional.

To receive the compliment, you may need to perform.

To receive the affection, you may need to behave in a certain way.

To receive the validation, you may need to choose a path that does not disturb others too much.

To receive the money, you may need to keep playing a role that drains your soul.

To receive the social approval, you may need to express not what is true, but what people are likely to reward.

This is why borrowed value is like borrowed money. It may help you for a moment, but it comes with a debt. You receive energy, but you give something back. Often you give back more than you realize.

You give time.

You give authenticity.

You give vitality.

You give freedom.

You give pieces of your path.

And little by little, the relationship becomes expensive.

Where We Outsource Our Worth

The places where we outsource our value are often ordinary. They do not always look spiritual or dramatic. They are woven into daily life.

One person borrows value from social media. They post something, but the post is no longer a free expression. It becomes a performance. They are not asking, “What wants to move through me?” They are asking, “What do they need to see in order to like me?”

Another person borrows value from romantic love. They cannot feel loved unless the other person says the right words, gives the right attention, responds at the right time, or chooses them in a specific way. The relationship stops being a meeting between two free beings and becomes a negotiation with inner emptiness.

Another person borrows value from status, achievement, money, or recognition. They need to be admired, congratulated, seen as smart, seen as powerful, seen as successful. When the world applauds, they breathe. When the applause disappears, they collapse.

Another person borrows value from family approval. They feel strong until a parent, an authority figure, or an old family voice questions their path. Then something shakes. Their vitality drops. Their confidence disappears. They may be adults, but inside there is still a hidden dependency on being accepted by the old structure.

For women, this can appear through deep social conditioning around being chosen, being with a man, being lovable, being desirable, being approved as a woman.

For men, it often appears through status, recognition, achievements, money, competence, and the pressure to prove strength.

These are not rigid rules. Every person is different. But the pattern is everywhere:

Some external thing becomes the source through which we feel valuable.

And because we need it, we start adapting ourselves to keep receiving it.

That adaptation is the beginning of the loss of freedom.

The Hidden Price of External Validation

Every dependency asks for something in return.

To receive approval, you adapt.

To receive love, you negotiate.

To receive recognition, you overextend.

To receive security, you may betray your direction.

To receive belonging, you may silence your truth.

The price is not always obvious in the beginning. It can feel normal. It can even feel responsible. You tell yourself that this is how life works. You compromise. You adjust. You play the game.

And sometimes compromise is healthy. Relationships need care. Work needs discipline. Family requires sensitivity. Society requires a certain level of cooperation.

But there is a point where compromise becomes fragmentation.

You want to go to the mountains, but you go to the beach because your partner will be happier and then you will receive the smile, the warmth, the “I love you” that you need.

You want to speak honestly, but you soften your truth because your family might worry, judge, or withdraw support.

You want to create something real, but you shape it into what the algorithm, the market, or the audience is more likely to reward.

You want to change your life, but the structure that gives you borrowed value also holds you in place.

This creates a split in the energy.

One part of you moves toward what is true. Another part moves toward what is rewarded. One part wants freedom. Another part wants permission. One part wants to live. Another part wants to be safe.

And when this split becomes chronic, you lose integrity.

Not moral integrity in the superficial sense. Energetic integrity. The feeling that your life, your speech, your choices, your body, your direction, and your inner truth are moving as one.

This is why real transformation is so difficult if we do not change the way we receive value.

People often try to change their lives while keeping the same dependencies intact. They want a new path, but they still need the same validation. They want freedom, but they still need everyone to approve. They want to follow the soul, but they still need the old system to feed them emotionally.

This does not work for long.

To create real change, you need free energy.

And to have free energy, you need to recover at least part of the value that you outsourced.

Breaking the Tubes

There is a powerful image in The Matrix.

Neo wakes up and realizes he has been connected to tubes. He has been receiving energy and food passively from a system that kept him asleep. When he is disconnected, it is not immediately beautiful. It is painful. His body is weak. His eyes hurt because, as Morpheus says, he has never used them before.

This is a very strong metaphor for the spiritual path.

When we live through borrowed value, we are connected to tubes. Tubes of approval. Tubes of recognition. Tubes of romantic dependency. Tubes of family validation. Tubes of status. Tubes of money. Tubes of identity. Tubes of social belonging.

They feed us, yes.

But they also keep us dependent.

If you want to turn your life toward something more true, some tubes must be removed. Not necessarily all at once. Not violently. Not from rebellion or pride. But consciously.

This is why many spiritual traditions speak about leaving something behind.

In the story of Jesus, when people wanted to follow his truth, he said, “Leave everything and follow me.” This is an extreme example, and it does not mean that everyone needs to abandon their house, their family, or their life tomorrow. The point is deeper.

To follow truth, you must become free from the structures that decide your worth for you.

Sometimes this means leaving a job.

Sometimes it means changing a country.

Sometimes it means having a difficult conversation with family.

Sometimes it means losing an identity.

Sometimes it means simply not obeying the inner voice that says, “You cannot do this unless they approve.”

The form is different for every person.

But the principle is the same:

You cannot move into a deeper life while every part of your energy is still tied to the old sources of value.

The First Gate: Meeting the Void

The first stage of recovering intrinsic self-worth is the most uncomfortable one.

It is the void.

The void appears when something that used to feed your value disappears. A relationship ends. A job collapses. A role no longer works. A dream fails. A person stops validating you. The system stops giving you the identity you used to depend on.

Most people call this disaster.

They call it chaos, failure, death, crisis, humiliation, punishment, or proof that something is wrong.

But often, something else is happening.

The external source has been removed, and now you can finally feel the emptiness that was already inside.

This is not pleasant. It can be confusing, painful, and disorienting. When the borrowed value disappears, the inner lack becomes visible. You may feel weak. You may feel empty. You may feel that you do not know who you are anymore.

But this is not the end of the path.

It is the beginning of the real one.

The void reveals the truth. It shows where your vitality was missing. It shows where low self-worth was hidden under external support. It shows where you were surviving by receiving energy passively from outside.

At this point, many people react by looking for a substitute.

Another partner.

Another job.

Another identity.

Another source of attention.

Another achievement.

Another distraction.

And of course, the loop continues.

The deeper path is different. Instead of immediately filling the emptiness with another external source, you enter the void consciously. You learn to stay. You learn to observe. You learn to breathe. You learn to stop judging yourself for being there.

This is not weakness.

This is a necessary gate.

If you are in such a place now, if something has fallen away and you are touching this empty space, it may not be a curse. It may be an opportunity. A difficult one, yes. But a real one.

Because once you can see the void, you can begin to fill it from within.

The Second Gate: Rebuilding Vitality

Self-worth is not only a mental belief.

It is not simply repeating, “I am worthy,” while the body remains passive, the energy remains low, and the life remains small.

Real self-worth is connected with vitality.

It is connected with how much life-force you can channel. How much initiative you can hold. How much action you can take. How much intensity you can meet. How much reality you can influence, shape, create, and move through.

This is why money is such a powerful symbol. Money is value represented in the material world. Where there is money, there is often power: the power to move, to do, to choose, to influence, to create options. This does not mean money is the highest form of value. It is not. But it shows us something important.

Value and power are connected.

And inner value is connected with inner power.

Not power over people. Not domination. Not control.

Power as the capacity to act.

Power as vital energy.

Power as fire.

Power as the feeling: I can do things. I can move. I can respond. I can create. I can enter life.

Borrowed value is often passive. You lie there, like Neo in the capsule, and receive energy from the system. You wait for the message, the compliment, the payment, the like, the approval, the hug, the confirmation.

Intrinsic value is active.

It grows when you engage life.

This is why the body matters. Nature matters. Movement matters. Challenge matters. Dance matters. Cold water can matter. Physical intensity can matter. Social intensity can matter. Theater, performance, voice, confrontation, creative risk, spiritual practice, ritual, discipline, and honest action can all matter.

Not because suffering is good.

But because vitality returns when you stop living only as a receiver and begin living as a participant.

The more things you feel able to do, the more value you feel inside.

The more you move through intensity, the more your system learns: I am alive. I can meet this. I can act. I can express. I can create.

This is one of the great challenges of modern life. So much around us invites us into passivity: screens, endless consumption, comfort without direction, entertainment without embodiment, opinions without action.

A passive state makes dependency easier.

When vitality is low, we borrow value from others.

When vitality rises, we begin to rely on our own energy.

The Third Gate: Purpose Big Enough for Your Energy

There is a third element in the process: purpose.

Your purpose, your direction, your intention, your meaningful goals, and the deeper journey of your life create the channel through which your energy can flow.

This is a simple but powerful question:

When you go to bed at night, do you feel that something in you was lived today?

Do you feel that something was said, expressed, risked, created, offered, or moved?

Or do you feel that something remained undone, not because you needed more productivity, but because your real life did not have enough space?

There is a kind of self-worth that appears when you can say, “Maybe I did not arrive where I wanted today, but I gave everything I could give to something meaningful.”

This feeling matters.

If you become aware of the void and you rebuild vitality, but you do not choose a purpose that is big enough for you, there will be a ceiling.

Not big according to society. Not impressive according to other people. Not necessarily ambitious in a conventional sense.

Big for you.

Something that asks for your real energy.

Something that makes your soul stand up.

Something that gives your vitality a direction.

Maybe it is a journey. Maybe it is a retreat. Maybe it is a project. Maybe it is making money in a new way. Maybe it is creating a community. Maybe it is changing your home. Maybe it is speaking your truth. Maybe it is healing your body. Maybe it is entering a spiritual path more seriously. Maybe it is finally doing the thing you have been postponing for years.

The point is not whether the world thinks it is big.

The point is whether it is big enough to awaken you.

There is an existential law here:

You cannot channel more vital energy than you are willing to use.

With money, you can receive more than you spend and keep the rest in the bank. You may earn five thousand euros, spend two thousand, and save three thousand.

Vital energy does not work like that.

You are a channel. The energy that comes to you is connected with the purpose you are developing. If your life purpose only requires two units of energy, your system will not easily channel ten. There is nowhere for it to go.

This is why strong purpose brings strong energy.

And strong energy brings challenges.

When you make a real decision, when you say, “Next year I will go to Peru,” or “I will finally do the journey I have wanted for ten years,” or “I will change this element of my life,” something wakes up. The next morning, life may already start moving. Problems may appear. Resistance may appear. The body may react. People may call. Challenges may come.

This does not mean the decision was wrong.

It means energy has been awakened.

Strong purpose activates strong energy. Strong energy reveals everything that must be integrated for you to walk the path.

This is where many people retreat. They feel the intensity and think, “No, no, this is too much.” They put the dream away. They return to average goals, distractions, survival, waiting for the weekend, waiting for summer holidays, waiting for life to become safe enough to live.

But when you betray the journey that burns inside you, self-worth cannot fully grow.

Something in you knows.

You may be comfortable. You may be functioning. You may be accepted. But the person in the mirror will not be fully smiling.

Because deep self-worth comes when you are walking the path that is truly yours.

The Return to Real Freedom

When borrowed value begins to lose its power over you, you do not become cold.

You do not become isolated.

You do not stop loving people.

You do not reject money, relationship, family, society, recognition, or success.

You simply stop needing them to define your worth.

And because you do not need them in the same way, you can meet them more freely.

You can love without bargaining for identity.

You can receive money without worshiping it.

You can accept praise without becoming addicted to it.

You can listen to your family without abandoning your path.

You can create without being enslaved by the reaction.

You can say yes.

You can say no.

You can stay.

You can leave.

You can speak.

You can be silent.

You can play again.

This is a deeper kind of freedom.

Not the freedom of doing whatever you want without consequence. Not childish rebellion. Not spiritual fantasy.

It is the freedom that comes when your value is no longer outsourced.

From this place, love becomes more possible. Real love requires freedom. If I need you to make me feel valuable, I will manipulate you, fear you, resent you, or adapt myself to keep you. If I meet you from my own center, I can actually love you.

I can enjoy your presence without turning you into my oxygen.

I can receive your affection without making you responsible for my existence.

I can let you be free because I am no longer trying to survive through you.

This is why the path of self-worth is not selfish.

It is a path back to love.

The Practice: Observe Without Judgment

The first practical step is simple:

Notice where you borrow value.

Do not judge yourself. Do not make it another reason to criticize yourself. This is not about saying, “I am weak,” or “I am wrong,” or “I should be above this.”

No.

This is part of the journey back.

Ask yourself:

What external thing, when it fails, makes me lose my state?

Whose opinion can still shake my vitality?

Where do I adapt myself in order to receive approval?

Where do I negotiate my truth in order to receive love?

Where do I overextend in order to receive recognition?

Where do I feel empty when the world does not respond?

Where do I still ask for permission to be who I am?

Write it down if needed.

Bring awareness.

Create space.

Breathe.

The point is not to destroy every dependency in one day. The point is to see clearly. Awareness already begins to loosen the tube. Once you see where the value is being borrowed, you can begin to reclaim it.

Then comes the deeper work:

Entering the void consciously.

Rebuilding vitality.

Choosing a purpose that is truly yours.

Walking the path practically, not only thinking about it.

Because the real journey starts when we apply.

Invitation

If this speaks to something in you, if you recognize that you are ready to recover your own energy, your self-worth, your freedom, and your deeper path, there are ways to walk this with guidance.

Through personal development work, spiritual practice, coaching, embodied processes, yoga, retreats, and honest inner work, it is possible to move step by step from dependency into a more solid relationship with yourself.

You do not need to do it all at once.

You do not need to do it alone.

But you do need to begin telling the truth.

Where are you borrowing value?

Where is your vitality waiting to return?

What purpose is big enough to awaken you?

And what would your life become if your value came from within?

That is where the path opens.

That is where freedom begins again.

Someone told me the other day: “Pablo, we live today like the kings were living 150 years ago.”

And it is absolutely true. Think about it. We can fly across the world on a whim. If you live in a modern city, you have hundreds of activities pulling at you every single weekend. Thousands of people around you to meet, connect with, and build relationships. If you open your phone right now, you have an infinite stream of stories, images, distractions, and entertainment at your fingertips.

We are drowning in options. We are kings of the material world.

Yet, when we approach the great wall of life-altering decisions, we freeze.

Because we have so many options, it has become terrifying to choose just one and COMMIT. We take a little taste of an experience, a little bite of a project, a superficial sip of a romance… and the second it requires depth, we jump. We jump to the next shiny experience. And the next.

This creates a life of constant distraction. It creates a completely superficial connection with everything and everyone around us. We lose the capacity to experience true intimacy, true depth, and true commitment. We date on the surface, we work on the surface, we live on the surface.

And eventually, you wake up one day and realize: Wait. Something is missing.

You feel drained. You feel empty. Because despite having the options of a king, you are acting like a prisoner to your own indecision.

The Silent Bleed: Why Standing Still is Destroying Your Vitality

When we aren’t distracted by a million superficial choices, we usually fall into the second scenario: Paralysis.

This is the exact opposite of distraction. Instead of choosing many things, we choose NOTHING. We cannot choose. Why? Because we are terrified of failure. We are terrified of making mistakes. The ideas we have about our future paths don’t look perfect. They don’t offer us a 100% iron-clad guarantee of success, so we delay the choice.

We put our lives on standby.

The other day, I was having a conversation with a colleague of mine, a powerful shaman. She looked at me and confessed: “Pablo, I’ve had the desire to change my house for 10 years.” Ten years! I asked her, “How can you live with a desire burning inside you for a decade and do nothing about it?” She gave me the classic excuses: She couldn’t find the perfect moment. She couldn’t find the right alternative. The perfect apartment never showed up. Blah, blah, blah.

I know you have experienced this energy. You want to do something—you feel the call to change your life—but somehow, there is ALWAYS a problem. Something always stops you.

Here is the absolute danger of paralysis: You cannot hoard your vitality.

Imagine your creative energy and your vitality are like money. You cannot say, “Okay, I don’t have clarity today, so I will put my vitality in a safe, and when I am sure of my path, I will spend it.” It doesn’t work like that. You spend your vitality EVERY SINGLE DAY. If you do not consciously invest it in the direction you want, you will blindly spend it on distractions, on toxic habits, on anxiety, and on whatever random drama crosses your path.

When you stand still waiting for the “perfect” guarantee, you are bleeding out your life force.

The Autopilot Crisis and The Recursive Loop

There is a third scenario. It is the most common, and it is the most dangerous. It is when we make choices, but we make them entirely on Autopilot.

We choose based on the heavy influence of our environment. We choose based on inherited beliefs, the way our family lived, what our friends are doing, and what the system expects of us.

I remember a conversation I had when I was 23 years old, living in America, long before my spiritual awakening. A friend looked at me and asked, “Pablo, what are you going to do once you finish university?”

I remember shrinking my shoulders. I looked at him like he was crazy and said, “What do you mean? I will find a partner, I will get married, and I will find a safe job.” In that exact moment, my mind was so narrow that I couldn’t even OPEN myself to an alternative. The path was set.

So, I did exactly that. I found the partner, I got the job, I walked the straight line. And a few years later, life took me to a complete and devastating breakdown. Because the life I had created on autopilot was empty. It had zero meaning for my soul.

This is the human tragedy. We have the fascinating, crazy capacity to make choices that keep us in the EXACT same place. I call these Recursive Decisions.

We make choices driven by our lower self, our reptilian mind. This mind only cares about security, control, and keeping the status quo. It wants to avoid pain and effort at all costs. It is the mind that tells you to stay home instead of going to the event. It is the mind that makes you break up with a toxic boyfriend, only to find an identical toxic boyfriend six months later.

In Spain, we have a terrible saying for this: “Better someone bad that you already know, than someone good that you still don’t know.”

Recursive decisions look reasonable on paper. They feel safe. But they are a 100% guarantee of stagnation. You will be safe, yes. But you will NEVER be happy.

The Twist: What Your Soul Actually Craves

If we want our decisions to be aligned with our deepest truth, with our spirit, we have to stop asking what is safe, and start asking: What does the soul actually want?

Many spiritual traditions agree on one core concept: The meaning of life is the expansion of consciousness.

Let’s ground that concept. What does “expansion” actually look like?

Observe a three-year-old child. They have just learned how to walk. Watch how they move through a room—with an absolute, spontaneous curiosity for EVERYTHING. They try to touch, catch, play, and engage with everything around them. If you are doing something, they will run over and mimic you. They want to learn.

They learn words, coordination, and language at an astonishing, explosive rate. Why? Because a child fully embodies the archetype of EXPANSION. It is in their DNA. They don’t have filters. They haven’t crystallized their ego. They don’t have an inner dialogue whispering, “What if I fail?” They are transparent manifestations of the soul’s desire to grow.

Or look at nature. Look at a wild forest.

Nature doesn’t have a mind to create doubts. If the conditions of temperature and soil are met, nature will expand. A flower doesn’t stop and contemplate: “Should I expand? Is it safe to expand? What will the other flowers think?” It just GROWS. It spreads its seeds. Life force tends to expand. It is an existential movement.

Your soul works the exact same way. It is not interested in survival, and it is certainly not interested in comfort. It wants to discover new places. It wants to learn to play an instrument. It wants to overcome fierce limitations and feel the intense freedom of breaking boundaries.

Your soul wants expansion. And until you give it expansion, it will keep gnawing at you from the inside.

The Mechanics of Growth: Why You Must Lose Control

If expansion is the goal, how do we actually get it? Can we order expansion on Amazon? Can we buy a pill of expansion at the pharmacy?

No. Expansion is never instant, and it is never linear. It requires a journey in this material world.

If a flower wants to create another flower a few meters away, it cannot just snap its fingers. It must go through a massive transformation. It must flourish completely open so the bees can pollinate it. It must create a seed. The wind must rip that seed away and throw it onto the cold soil. The seed must bury itself in the dark dirt for the entire winter. And then, it must violently break its own shell to push a tiny green shoot into the light.

It is a huge journey.

In our lives, this is the Hero’s Journey.

Every expansive decision starts with a Call. You feel the pull for transformation, but your attachments and your fears immediately resist it. If you push through that fear, you cross a threshold. You reach the point of no return.

And then, you enter a space where you no longer have control.

You are in a new environment, facing new rules, new people, and new challenges. You are SHAKEN. It feels unstable. It feels terrifying.

But inside this “shaking,” you begin to realize things. The trauma you carried for years comes to the surface. Your hidden limitations are exposed. You are forced to confront the truth about your patterns.

You do not have control here, but this is exactly where the magic happens. After the storm of the journey, you emerge different. Transformed. With a wider perspective, new inspiration, and massive space inside your chest.

You cannot have the expansion without stepping into the shaking.

The Washing Machine of Emotions (My Proof)

Let me ground this with a piece of my own life.

When I was 18 years old, studying at university in Spain, I fell completely in love with a beautiful girl. I knew nothing about women back then. I was incredibly shy. My mind screamed at me to play it safe, warning me that she might reject me, that she might mock me in front of everyone.

But my soul wanted the expansion. I felt a massive call to experience the feminine, to get close, to risk it. So, I overcame my fears and I approached her.

Life, however, is not a movie. She wasn’t in love with me. She liked another guy. But she liked my attention.

So, she played a game. Whenever I pulled away, she would pull me back in with a flirty message. When I got close, she would push me away. I didn’t realize what was happening. I became a total puppet to this feminine energy.

I entered what I call the “washing machine.”

I was lost in a storm of emotions. Coming, going, full of hope, then crushed. I was totally drained. After a few months of this washing machine, I hit absolute rock bottom. I was depressed. I couldn’t talk to people. I had zero vitality for my projects, my friends, or my family.

But then, the shaking produced a realization.

I got very angry at her, but that anger started to twist into heavy condemnation inside my heart. Something in me realized: This is not good. Even if she is playing games, losing myself in condemnation is destroying me.

I realized that the real problem wasn’t her. The problem was MY attachment. I was attached to losing myself in exchange for a breadcrumb of validation.

I made a radical decision. I forgave her 100%. I quit the drama. I spent the last three weeks of the university year locked in my house, studying alone. I detached completely.

The next September, I walked back onto campus. I saw her. I thought my stomach would drop. I thought the pain would return.

But when I looked at her, I felt nothing but pure love and a profound, deep sense of GRATITUDE.

I couldn’t understand it! How could I feel grateful after everything she put me through?

Then it hit me. I had arrived at the end of my Hero’s Journey. Through the pain, the shaking, and the ultimate detachment, I had EXPANDED. I was free. I never lost myself in a relationship like that ever again, because my consciousness had grown wider than that fear.

The journey looked like a mistake, it felt like a nightmare, but it was the exact storm I needed to become free.

How to Break Your Loop (And Where to Go Next)

You are faced with this dichotomy every single day.

You can make a Recursive Decision: choose out of fear, avoid discomfort, protect your ego, and stay exactly where you are.

Or you can make an Expansive Decision: answer the call for adventure, embrace the energy of the NEW, accept the risk, and step into the journey that will widen your consciousness.

You don’t need to burn your entire life down today to start. The mind loves extremes—it tells you that to be spiritual, you must quit your corporate job tomorrow and move to the mountains. That is just your ego talking. Consciousness grows step by step, like a forest.

Here is how you start:

Audit your choices: In every decision, look for the element of expansion. Does this choice bring you a sense of genuine enthusiasm and curiosity? Or are you just trying to avoid pain?

Don’t just run away: If you hate your current situation, don’t just choose to escape. Wait until you connect with a place of expansion first. Find the alternative that makes your soul spark before you jump.

Accept the fear: No expansive decision is 100% pure joy. The fear will be there. The resistance will be there. Your job is to push through it anyway.

The Power is in Your Hands

For too long, you have played the role of the “nice guy” or the “good girl,” pleasing everyone and seeking validation from a system that drains you.

WILLPOWER is your ultimate amulet. If you are capable of saying NO, if you have the courage to say “I don’t like this,” and the strength to walk away when a situation violates your spirit… you don’t need magic tricks. You are protected by your own natural limits.

If you are ready to stop making recursive choices, break through that glass ceiling, and reclaim your ultimate power, you do not have to walk this path alone.

This is exactly what we cultivate in our community. Not esoteric fantasies, but the courage to return to your real life, SPEAK your TRUTH, and DO what you WANT.

If you want to go deeper into this journey of authentic expansion, join us in the Inner Spark Tribe. Inside, we do weekly livestreams, share high-value exclusive content, and support each other intensely on this path of true freedom.

Join the Inner Spark Tribe Here

The choice has been, is, and always will be in the WILL that God gave you. Choose, commit, and embrace YOUR journey.

With Love and Purpose,

Teiwaz

I remember a specific time I went to lead a shamanic ritual. The setting seemed perfect. Everyone was ready, sitting or lying down in their positions, waiting to begin.

I picked up my drum and started playing. My intention was clear: to connect with the spirits and start the healing process. We wanted to journey into the “underworld” to cut cords with the past, release old pain, and let go of the fear stopping us from living the life we wanted.

But then, something strange happened.

As I beat the drum, I couldn’t move the energy. It felt completely stuck. Solid. Heavy. It just wouldn’t shift or flow. It ended up being a very weird, difficult session.

Confused, I later went to my master and asked him, “What went wrong?”

He explained something that changed everything for me. He told me that whenever you want to journey into the underworld to do shadow work or heal the past, there are two fundamental things you must do. Always.

If these two elements are missing, you won’t be able to go deep. You will get blocked. Instead of healing, you’ll just get trapped in your own heavy emotions and looping thoughts.

Let me share these two missing keys with you, so you never get stuck again.

Element #1: Activate Your Vitality (The Warrior Energy)

The first thing my master told me was simple yet profound: “Your vitality must be active.”

In our modern world, we often arrive at spiritual practices feeling drained. We come from long days at work, scrolling on phones, or being stuck in our heads. We are disconnected from our bodies. But you cannot enter the underworld in this state.

That is why, before any deep ritual, we often go for a hike, a walk in nature, or do physical exercise. We need to wake up the body and ignite the inner fire.

The “Victim Trap”

Here is the hard truth about energy healing: You cannot heal while you are in a state of victimhood. It is 100% impossible.

The underworld is filled with heavy energies—grief, guilt, sadness, and lethargy. If you enter that space feeling weak or thinking, “Poor me, life is so hard, my parents did this to me,” those heavy spirits will eat you up. You won’t heal; you will just get stuck in the mud of your own complaints.

To avoid this, you need to be in a state of power. You need to be a warrior.

Even if you feel weak, you must generate energy temporarily. Jump into cold water , run for an hour, do intense breathwork, or practice yoga. Do whatever it takes to fill your system with fire. With that fire, you can journey down, face the shadows, and come back up. Without it, you just get tired.

Element #2: Open Your Heart to the Spirit

The second missing key is the reason why, sometimes, I spend a good 30 minutes (or even an hour) praying before I even start a ritual. I simply cannot move the energy until the hearts in the room are open.

This element is prayer.

Shadow Work is a Team Effort

Many people try to do shadow work alone, from a mental place. They treat it like a mechanical fix—like taking a car to the mechanic. They think, “I want to fix my trauma so I can be more successful,” or “I want to feel like a powerful shaman.”

But doing it from the ego, or treating it just like a business transaction, will not work.

Real shadow work is done with the help of the spirits. You cannot do it by yourself because the whole point is to remember unity. It is a guided journey.

When you release deep pain or trauma, you aren’t just throwing it into the void. You are handing it over to the spirits. They are there to receive what you are ready to let go of. But for them to help you, you must ask for help. You must be humble.

You don’t need to be religious. You don’t need to believe in a specific “God.” But you do need to open your heart to something bigger than yourself and trust the journey. Only when you surrender and say, “I can’t do this alone, please guide me,” does the real magic happen.

How to Know If Your Shadow Work Is Working

So, how do you know if you have successfully navigated the underworld? It’s actually quite simple.

When you have both your vitality activated (the warrior) and your heart open (the humble student), the spirits can finally guide you deep. Your vitality protects you from the heavy “victim” energies, and your open heart allows the release to happen.

You will reach a moment of intense emotional release. You let it go.

The clear sign that the work is done is how you feel afterward. You should feel lighter, joyful, and motivated. You feel a spark of life returning to you.

Even if you haven’t solved the “root of the root” of all your problems, you have cleared enough space to move forward. You have energy for your life, your projects, and your passions again.

The Warning Signs

On the flip side, if you finish a session feeling drained, stuck in negative loops, complaining, or criticizing yourself, it means one of the two elements was missing.

Remember this for your next healing journey: Bring your Fire, and bring your Prayer. Without them, you are just walking in circles in the dark.

Have you ever felt stuck during shadow work? Or have you experienced that rush of energy after a good cry? Let me know in the comments below. We are connected.

Join Us in the Dark to Find Your Light

We have talked about traveling to the underworld and the importance of doing it with a guide. Now, nature is inviting us to do exactly that on a cosmic scale.

We are approaching the Winter Solstice. This is the darkest night of the year—the “Zero Point” where everything stops. It is the ultimate moment for shadow work.

If you are in Brussels, I invite you to stop running and sit in the silence with us.

Winter Solstice Drum Ritual: Into the Silent Sun

On Saturday, December 21, 2025, we are gathering at the Inner Spark Ashram for a powerful 3.5-hour journey.

We will apply exactly what you learned in this article:

• Activate Vitality: We will recover the energy trapped in your past.
• Open the Heart: We will connect with the spirit of the Winter Sun to guide us.
• Deep Release: We will use the shamanic drum to journey through the four worlds and let go of the heavy baggage from 2025.

You don’t have to do this alone. Come sit by the fire (metaphorically and spiritually) and prepare yourself for a new beginning.

Where: Inner Spark Ashram, Woluwe Saint Pierre, Brussels
When: December 21, 2025 | 17:00 – 20:30
Spots: Intimate group (only 10 spots)

Are you ready to close the cycle and reclaim your spark?

Book Your Spot for the Solstice Ritual

(Hurry, spots fill up fast!)